Breaking up with a person you love is always a painful experience. It can create emotions of guilt, anxiety, and worthlessness. Having invested so much in a person, calling it might not be so easy. So how do you work towards retrieving the relationship you once had?
Understand the breakup
You need to understand what caused you to go separate ways. The number one reason cited for breakups is the lack of communication. Others are infidelity, jealousy or mistreatment. Was the break up done in a fit of anger or was it after considered thought? Who initiated the break-up? In particular, ask yourself whether you are being drawn back to your ex because of your feelings of loneliness and hurt. These are normal and the deeper your relationship, the greater the hurt. Also, is it only your Ex who can fill that void in your life or could another person fill it better.
At least one month should elapse before reaching out to your ex. This period is to enable both of you to stand back and view the relationship dispassionately. Taking things slowly makes your Ex realize you are fine without them. It is preparation for beginning a new relationship either with the same person or a new one. This is a time for reflection and self-improvement. Try to pinpoint your weaknesses that might have contributed to the breakup. After this period you can try to make subtle efforts to recreate contact with your ex. This can be through a comment on social media or a seemingly coincidental meeting. Do not play mind games if your Ex calls with the aim of arousing jealousy. This could backfire and push them further away.
Your happiness depends entirely on you. Do not allow yourself to fall into depression as a result of breaking up. On the contrary, lift your self-esteem by building on your social and emotional abilities. Work on your talents and appearance. Go to the gym, try a new hairstyle, join a dancing club buy new clothes or visit a sauna. Make yourself useful by offering volunteer services in your church. Just do not move. Creating guilt in your ex through emotional blackmail will only cause resentment.
Do not be alone
Once you break up, you are in the market. You need to mingle with people although if you intend to get your ex back, this should not mean sleeping around. Whether your Ex accepts you back or not, spend time with friends. If you have mutual friends with your ex, go for an outing or other fun activity where you can interact with your ex as a friend without undue pressure. However, if you get a chance for the two of you to be together, use it but make sure both of you are comfortable with the idea.
Recreate the original magic
Memories are a powerful ally in rekindling a relationship that has gone cold. So, be the person your ex originally fell in love with. Whether it was your humor, reliability or style that attracted them, flaunt and use it. Wear the perfume or Cologne that will trigger your past together. Also, if there is a gift that has special significance such as a watch or other jewel, wear it. You could also visit one of your former favorite haunts.
Before you can become lovers, rebuild your friendship. Let those things that you enjoyed doing together be part of the reconciliation process. With time, the romance will be restored.
Prepare your words
Before meeting for talks to reclaim your relationship, organize the direction the talk will take. Your intention should be to express regret that the relationship did not work. Do not be combative or seek to apportion blame. You are seeking to establish if your ex still has feelings for you that can be cultivated.
In a face to face discussion, it’s best to lay your cards on the table. Texting or talking on the phone will limit you. It is best to go to a place you can talk. Remember that most relationships break for lack of communication. Identify areas of conflict in your former relationship and negotiate on how to fix these. Tread lightly on those deep seated issues that are likely to make conflict flare up once more. Some sensitive issues such as family, infidelity, jealousy, control, and finances have the potential to scuttle reconciliation before it has begun.
Swallow your pride by owning up to your role in the breakup. This will bring things back to an even keel. Be sincere without expecting that your ex will reciprocate your gesture.
Once you have the relationship back on track, consider a gift that would reaffirm to your partner just how much you value them.
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